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Conditional love can be harmful to children, new studies find. The key for parents is ‘autonomy support:’

explaining reasons for requests, maximizing opportunities for the child to participate in making decisions, being encouraging without manipulating, and actively imagining how things look from the child’s point of view.

Regarding psychologists who fear that unconditional love will make children rudderless and unlikable:

The idea that children accepted for who they are would lack direction or appeal is most informative for what it tells us about the dark view of human nature held by those who issue such warnings.  (N.Y. Times)